Micro Goals.

January 14, 2022 / kategresham / 5 Comments

I wrote “Just one Sentence” on Monday. I’ve published it only now, on Friday. I was going to check it, edit , maybe pretty it up. All that happened was that I delayed publishing. So I find it difficult to publish. Back when I began blogging, I needed to take a deep breath and choose to publish and accept that it was good enough. My aim is to write from my heart, to write what moves me and to write always with integrity and authenticity.

My micro goal? Just one sentence. Oh and the webinars! Stay with me.

Just one Sentence.

January 14, 2022 / kategresham / Leave a comment

My statement of Intent didn’t get me past my what?? lethargy? laziness? lack of motivation? Or have I given up?

I really, really hope not and so I am trying another way. I have discovered the concept of “tiny goals”. I stumbled on an interview with Greg McKeown. He spoke about the art of effortless joy. He wanted to set a goal to journal write every day and would begin well. But then he would write less and less, until … nothing. Again, same goal, same result.

So, he set two goals: he would write one sentence each day, any more would be a bonus. But he set an upper limit: he would write no more than five sentences each day. Success!

I will write one sentence. An upper limit? I will not be concerned with style or with presentation. My goal is simply: one sentence per day. No more than ? I am still thinking about this.

You see, I want to write for me. Nothing else gives me such deep satisfaction and meaning. Oh, and I will do the wordpress webinars, starting tomorrow : “Getting started: Website building 101” and “Quick start: Blogging”.

It has been so very long since I came near wordpress and blogging that I’ve forgotten anything I knew. And in that time the site has changed, so for me, back to the beginning .

A Statement of Intent.

July 10, 2021 / kategresham / 5 Comments

My intent is to re-join the world of blogging. It has given me so much pleasure.

Words spring to mind:

re-awaken

re-create

re-enliven

renew

re-energise

It’s the heart of winter here and those words traditionally are associated with Spring. What better way to view the zeitgist of our times? Co-vid 19, climate change the issues facing us so easily can overhwelm us. I choose hope. I choose to come back to katesclippings. I could easily give up, deciding that it has been too long, but I choose to continue, to pick up the threads and not give up.

My site has not yet been rejuvenated or spruced up. The priority is to make a beginning. All else will follow.

The challenges of wrting and blogging are life lessons.

Don’t give up.

It’s good enough.

Trust yourself and the process.

So let’s go!

and so it goes,

October 24, 2017October 24, 2017 / kategresham / 2 Comments

and so another day passes. And another day. And another … And a week. And another week. And another … And a month. And another month. And … And then it’s a year. And another year. And another … And so it goes.

Annie Dillard says “as we live our days, so we live our lives.” I hate to think that.

I’ve been out, doing some errands, both over due; apologising, explaining and now I’m home, flaked on my co-houser’s bed, chatting; thinking : “another day, another day when I planned and hoped … but…”

And then I think “another day passes, and so it goes.” Wait a moment. This is how I’ve been thinking for … I’m not going to say how long, I don’t want to admit to it. Doesn’t get me anywhere.

I pull myself up. Instead of thinking it, write it! And here I am! The quotes may not be verified, but I can fix that later.

There are always reasons; adequate reasons. I am becoming more compassionate and more understanding of my younger self and of my present self as I deepen my self awareness. I am amazing. I have lived with obstacles for many years and I have ignored them and carried on regardless. It is now as I learn more and understand more and reflect back that I am filled with compassion for myself and with forgiveness.

But those reasons can become crippling, I think of Annie Dillard and of Elizabeth Gilbert who reminds me to be active, to do anything, but break out of the passivity ( in Deep Magic).

So here I am. Not needing to say anything else, simply being present.

I salute so many bloggers who have continued on, who inspire me and who encourage me.

I acknowledger the truth of Annie Dillard and that scares me. Many of my days are spent – how? resting, being. Each day is fine, but is that enough? The sum total of my being?

On my wall, above the computer I have reminders:

be good stewards of your gifts.

Protect your time.

Feed your inner life.

Avoid too much noise.

Read good books, have good sentences in your ears.

Be by yourself as often as you can.

Walk.

Take the phone off the hook.

Work regular hours.

from Jane Kenyon’s, “A Hundred white daffodils,” a companion volume to her poetry, a collection of her prose about the writing life, her spiritual life, her country community, her garden, and more.

I feel the truth of these, deep in my being.

the courage to speak

the wisdom to write

the power to change.

Are also on my wall, challenge me. Why? Because it’s too easy to be irresponsible, to ignore my heart’s yearning.

And a question from Gratefulness( http://www.gratefulness.org ) to ponder:

“What are the riches in my life that cannot be lost?

If I were to write a post today, what …?

May 17, 2017May 17, 2017 / kategresham / 7 Comments

If I were to write a post today, what would I write?

It’s a grey day, almost winter, cool, windy. I’ve been pondering blogging, I’m so out of touch and it’s so long since I wrote regularly. I’ve been reading the Daily Post, thinking about one of the short courses, anything that will move me to action.

As I think about writing, consider ideas and glance through old posts, my mind wanders to the garden.

The garden

After so many years of waiting I now have a garden- my second, a source of joy and concern and frustration and pleasure. Yesterday we planted some bearded irises, one of my very favourites and I’m anxious about how we should plant them. My brother advises to keep some of the rhizome out of the soil, but how much? One rhizome has rotted and died in an earlier planting. I don’t want to lose any, I have been wanting to grow them for so long. So I have just checked youtube- lots of videos, but now I’m worried that we may not have spread out the roots, the rhizome may be too exposed and we haven’t planted them in groups … one expert suggests they are very social plants. Mine may be lonely.

not enough soil?

This is the second year for our roses, such splendid plants! They flowered abundantly last year, even being baby roses. This year they have grown very tall. My cousin, the rose expert, tells me these are rain shoots. We had a long and hot summer, then suddenly lots of rain. She tells me roses love such conditions. And here it is, almost the end of May and I haven’t finished pruning them. Another rose expert advised not pruning early as there could be a second flush of flowering- there was! They look gorgeous and smell so wonderful. I love walking outside and picking a bunch of roses.

more roses- such pleasure.

joy- a bunch of roses!

Oriental lilies are another favourite and I have grown them for two years now. The plants from last year haven’t done well, so another question for youtube. Was it too hot? too dry? Should I have lifted them? What is their ideal climate?

Oriental lilies- if only you could smell their fragrance!

Such a lot to worry about when you garden. My co-houser says that she thought gardening was all about digging and weeding and planting, then flowers and vegetables and trees would happen and … a garden! Instead she says it’s all killing and chopping and destroying … the aphids love our plants, there are various other sucking insects, black spot, rust … and several varieties of grasshoppers … how do you get rid of grasshoppers? big brown ones? even baby greens? You can’t spray a grasshopper. The garden books suggest catching and squashing or vacuuming them up. I can’t quite see how to vacuum without sucking up the plant. And squashing? the big brown ones?!? Yuk!

I remember one afternoon, sitting on the ground and weeding, it occurred to me that gardening was like life. I realised how ridiculous such an idea was- gardening isn’t like living, it is life. Isn’t my life whatever I am doing at that moment? Watching Grantchester last night, Sydney’s sermon concluded with “This is our life. Not yesterday or tomorrow, but today. We owe it to ourselves to live it.”

And writing? blogging? Pondering, reading, reflecting … I owe it to myself. In spite of aphids and grasshoppers I will keep on gardening; in spite of disruptions and long interruptions I will keep on.

and maybe I’ll have a friend to help.

What can you do with old pillows? Or, the hidden challenges of co-housing.

July 13, 2016 / kategresham / 3 Comments

What can you do with old pillows?

They say to replace pillows every twelve months for health reasons. That makes for a lot of leftovers.

We are two households combining gradually.

A corner offering sanctuary, my old house.

I’d been living by myself. My house had three bedrooms and two bathrooms . I was working in a permanent job with a regular income. Not a normal thing in my life, so I had lots of fun buying furniture, linen, bedding, cookware … all the accoutrements of a “proper” lifestyle, after many years of making do and never having enough. I was able finally to have enough, perhaps even, to have abundance – lots of pillows and lots of stuff. I loved it . I enjoyed being able to buy another set of towels or good bakeware or whatever took my fancy.

lots of … stuff.

My co-houser has brought her furniture, linen, bedding, cutlery, and …. So here we are now with… excess.

There must be something you can do with pillows. All the couches (and yes, we have several couches, four in fact), have European pillows, standard pillows and cushions, covering them. I’m interested in the way visitors will perch on the edge and stay there (there’s no room unless they move some clutter), looking uncomfortable and ill at ease, but ignoring admonitions to ” move the cushions, they’re only thrown there, you won’t disarrange anything!” The cushions and pillows aren’t placed there for decorative reasons, but as somewhere to put them.

couches are for holding cushions and pillows.

And excess quilts, blankets, cutlery, saucepans, cupboards, tables – the obvious answer – get rid of them! But who wants leftover pillows or quilts or blankets or? And how do we choose what to keep and what to give away? Who wants to give away their cherished blankets, the ones their granma gave them when they first left home? Which set of saucepans do we keep? Do you begin to see the hidden depths of what may have appeared to be simple?

Back to the original question- I hold the belief that excess pillows are very useful. They can be cushions, or pillows for picnics, or beds for stray animals, or heaped on the deck or … I find it difficult to give away something that is inherently useful, someday I may need it. And no, I ‘m not a child of the Depression era. And yes I do save plastic bags-I hate to buy plastic when the earth and all her living creatures are being poisoned by micro plastic! How can I knowingly add to that huge plastic continent in the middle of the Pacific?

Need I mention here that I am plagued by the fear of scarcity? What if my co-houser discovers she hates living in the country and moves back to the city? There won’t be enough pillows and blankets, saucepans and cutlery to go round!

Now my co-houser is much better at giving things away (perhaps reckless?). A wonderful colonial silky oak cupboard went to the removalist. Her reason? There’s nowhere for it here. I would have hung onto it, hoping that a home would be found for it. That’s why there’s a red cedar chest of drawers sitting downstairs. So far there is nowhere for it, but my father adored red cedar. He found this one at an auction and treasured it. Throwing it out feels disloyal to his memory.

My old house- books and space for cats.

This house has big windows and not much wall space. We need bookshelves, so even less wall space. Can you see where I’m heading? Yes, we each have a collection of paintings, prints, photos, tapestries … if it’s difficult to choose between cutlery sets without causing upset, how much more difficult to choose paintings!

some wall for paintings.

Thus the unexpected traps of co-housing when each member has abundance, requiring tact and understanding and for each person o be able to let things go.

Not only does the rationising of possessions highlight one of the unexpected challenges of co-housing, it also raises the dilemma of disposal. What do we do with them? I do not want to be part of the throwaway society. Use it, get rid of it, add to landfill … our earth is drowning in garbage. Our excess is of good quality; there are people in need. After fruitless phone calls I have given up trying to find some way of getting them to refugee camps, to those thousands in Europe I s huddling in adequate clothing and shelter. But. No one wants my excess. What do I do?

(A postscript: help! the aloe versa keep on multiplying and multiplying! what can I do?)

Writing lessons.

April 27, 2016 / kategresham / 8 Comments

It’s staring me in the face.

After months of not writing no matter how much I beat myself up, promise myself I’ll do it tomorrow, set unrealistic goals and timetables …

Something shifts.

Finally.

I’ll never write if I keep going the way I am.

I have done almost no writing for? twelve months? longer? I can’t blame anyone; No one has stopped me; there are always plenty of excuses and reasons.

I’m feeling discontented and dissatisfied. In the back of my mind there’s the niggling thought “Is this all my life is to be?” The day-to-day of life- friends, conversations, visits, gardening, reading … all those things that make up our lives.

Too busy? Then stop!

I don’t write to make money, to be famous or to be published. I write because it satisfies something within me. I feel complete, content, grounded; when I don’t write I’m discontented and miserable, my life has less meaning, I’m purposeless. Sitting at my computer – writing, pondering, researching, reading – I feel focussed, centred, content. Clicking that button to “publish” gives me such satisfaction and finding a comment on a post or a “like” has me leaping for joy.

Joy!

I have been trying to fit my writing time in around all the other things that happen. It worked sort of, when I lived here by myself because not so many other things happened. I did have lots of time to myself. But with another person in the house there’s always a conversation, something interesting one of us has just seen or read or heard, or work to be done, or shopping to be sorted or dinner or … then there’s the friendships that have developed and I want to nurture and enjoy … then there’s “being” time and …so many things.

If I want to write, if I want to blog regularly, if I want to keep learning and pushing the boundaries, then I must do more than commit. I must act and practise. And that means, setting aside the time. I don’t work full-time so I have flexibility. I can take my diary each week and block out my working times. And I can act so that nothing takes those times away. There’s plenty of time for other things. For more than twelve months I have acted on the assumption that I could fit writing in. After I’d been out for lunch, after we planned the garden, after I went to the gym, after the housework … then I would write or I could have an early dinner and write in the evening.

Jobs!

Guess what? It hasn’t happened. It hasn’t worked. Not for a very long time.

I’ve been thinking about giving up – you know those moments of “common sense” when you preach the “face the facts and be realistic” lectures. Or could I hold the dream without doing anything much? Live with the vagueness of I’d do it tomorrow, or when I felt like it or when I had some space or ..? That’s how I lived for many years. One day when I have more time, one day when I’m better, one day… I have a house full of one days. One day I’ll use that wool, one day I’ll get back to the piano, one day I’ll go kayaking, one day I’ll garden, one day I’ll…

(Some of those one days won’t happen- more truths to face, to grieve and to accept, but that’s another story.)

I have read all the writers who say essentially the same thing: Writing has to be your job. You have to sit at your writing space for those prescribed hours. It is a discipline and it’s hard work. It requires commitment.

You can have what you want, but you can’t have everything.

I want to be all that I am capable of becoming.

This morning, the final piece slid into place. Something shifted in me.

If I’m serious about it then writing must come first and that means making choices. There will be times when I have to say no. Seems obvious, doesn’t it? The challenge is to take myself seriously as a writer. And that’s the hard bit. I might have to acknowledge some of my dreams and if I do, then I might have to do something about them. And that scares me, throws me right up against myself, my fears and my lack of self- belief. I remember my tutor saying at my first ever writing workshop: “You must begin calling yourself a writer. If you write regularly, even if no one else ever sees it, even if you have no plans for publishing, then you are a writer.” Oh how difficult it was, when people asked me what I was doing, to say “I’m writing.” At the moment, if someone asks me what I’m doing, my answer is vague, because I feel ashamed. If people ask for my blog details I don’t want to give them, I’m ashamed of how little I’ve done and how neglected it is.

How did this get finally get home to me?

My friend was travelling home and it was an opportunity to spend time with him. I’d love it. But I’d just returned from a few days in Melbourne, last month a few days’ holiday and yesterday I spent most of the day at the beach. Yes, they’re wonderful things to do, yes it’s good to relax and have fun and yes they’re all necessary …

I saw what I was doing and how I was continuing to sabotage myself. At some point I must say “No”, make a choice. Remember – you can have what you want but you can’t have everything.

I met my friend and we had a lovely time, but I haven’t forgotten. Let’s see how I go.

Heritage Rabbits

February 22, 2016February 22, 2016 / kategresham / Leave a comment

Source: Heritage Rabbits

Some of my favourite rabbits from Craft Odyssey. (click on the above link.)

Not only is Roma a creative and skilled craftsperson she is kind and generous. I commented on her work soon after I had discovered her blog. Sometime in the ensuing conversation I mentioned my baskets of wool waiting to be knitted or crocheted. One obstacle to my creativity was my difficulty in finding patterns and teachers. Roma, faraway across the ocean, offered her help. Such a generous soul!

And, a postscript on the rewards of blogging. A comment may lead to unexpected and unthought of rewards. I delight in the community I am joining around the world-of friends made- passions and joys in common, wisdom shared, kindness, support and encouragement offered … mentors, role models, teachers … a rich, international community.

What I’d like to do today.

February 4, 2016 / kategresham / 2 Comments

I’m ready to start. Had a good sleep. Drunk some coffee. Head bouncing with ideas and possibilities: “I could…”

Get out my “today” book. New page. Heading:

ready to start.

“What I’d like to do today” (recognising that after I’ve slept well I’m likely to attempt the impossible- all the things I’ve been wanting to do but have been too tired or too busy or …)

See my Uncle in the Nursing Home and my Book Club friend who lives alone and is unwell.
write and publish a post.
go to the gym, swim and use the steam room
sort out my study
write thank you cards
fold and put away the washing
organise my diary, plan and book the trip to Canberra
wander around my local shopping centre and window shop
visit Greenpatch nursery and buy some vegie plants
garden- weed under the deck and pot up some plants
make some phone calls
…

That’s only the beginning and it’s already midday.

Years ago I experienced one of those rare moments of insight that lead to self understanding: I was- completely, hopelessly, totally- unrealistic about time. It came about like this:

My current man (boyfriend? lover? partner? my significant other? never quite know what to call them) was organising a conference and ferrying delegates from the airport. I was to pick up one international arrival. I suggested to him that we have dinner en route. Well! He looked at me as if were crazy- “Dinner!” he said. “Where’s the time to have dinner?”

It was one of those optical illusion moments for me. You know the ones, where the vases turn into a profile or… I have personal moments like that, when a set of facts transform into something else. I looked at my watch- thirty minutes to the airport, fifty to the accommodation, home for me, back to the airport for him… an impossibility, absolutely no spare time. Whatever was I thinking of?

a swan and a squirrel- an optical illusion.

A light went on. This was why I could sometimes be late, didn’t get things done and kept running out of time… it was because I was so completely, totally unrealistic about time. (And about money, maybe the two go together.) I believe there is an unlimited amount, or at the least, much, much more than there is in actuality. And so I run into trouble.

Since that moment, if I’m functioning well, before I need to be somewhere I will sit down and work backwards:

if I need to be there by two o’clock then-

it will take me forty minutes of travel, thirty minutes to shower and dress, fifteen minutes to organise the things I need to take, that adds up to eighty five minutes. I must start getting ready, then, by half past twelve.

Sound over organised? Frankly unbelievable? You can do all that without even thinking?

It’s the only way I can be sure of being on time and even then my head will sometimes do its optical illusion trick and I’ll switch the appointment time with when I need to leave. Oh dear!

You will appreciate that I remain ever grateful to that particular man for his shocked reaction to my simple “we could have dinner.” If he’d said calmly that he didn’t think so, I may never have reached this level of self awareness and I could be back in that land of rushing, being late, wondering why I never get things done….instead of being calm, organised, accomplished, poised…(if only!

Today? Well, I realised the list- just a beginning mind, was possibly a little long…