Creativity

and so another day passes. And another day. And another … And a week. And another week. And another … And a month. And another month. And … And then it’s a year. And another year. And another … And so it goes.

Annie Dillard says “as we live our days, so we live our lives.” I hate to think that.

I’ve been out, doing some errands, both over due; apologising, explaining and now I’m home, flaked on my co-houser’s bed, chatting; thinking : “another day, another day when I planned and hoped … but…”

And then I think “another day passes, and so it goes.” Wait a moment. This is how I’ve been thinking for … I’m not going to say how long, I don’t want to admit to it. Doesn’t get me anywhere.

I pull myself up. Instead of thinking it, write it! And here I am! The quotes may not be verified, but I can fix that later.

There are always reasons; adequate reasons. I am becoming more compassionate and more understanding of my younger self and of my present self as I deepen my self awareness. I am amazing. I have lived with obstacles for many years and I have ignored them and carried on regardless. It is now as I learn more and understand more and reflect back that I am filled with compassion for myself and with forgiveness.

But those reasons can become crippling, I think of Annie Dillard and of Elizabeth Gilbert who reminds me to be active, to do anything, but break out of the passivity ( in Deep Magic).

So here I am. Not needing to say anything else, simply being present.

I salute so many bloggers who have continued on, who inspire me and who encourage me.

I acknowledger the truth of Annie Dillard and that scares me. Many of my days are spent – how? resting, being. Each day is fine, but is that enough? The sum total of my being?

On my wall, above the computer I have reminders:

be good stewards of your gifts.

Protect your time.

Feed your inner life.

Avoid too much noise.

Read good books, have good sentences in your ears.

Be by yourself as often as you can.

Walk.

Take the phone off the hook.

Work regular hours.

from Jane Kenyon’s, “A Hundred white daffodils,” a companion volume to her poetry, a collection of her prose about the writing life, her spiritual life, her country community, her garden, and more.

I feel the truth of these, deep in my being.

the courage to speak

the wisdom to write

the power to change.

Are also on my wall, challenge me. Why? Because it’s too easy to be irresponsible, to ignore my heart’s yearning.

And a question from Gratefulness( http://www.gratefulness.org ) to ponder:

“What are the riches in my life that cannot be lost?

I could call it hibernation. Or I could call it lying fallow. But I won’t come at sterile. Sterile suggests permanence and that is unacceptable. Maybe hibernation? Lying fallow? Perhaps dormant would be better? It is after all just passed the Spring Equinox here down South and Spring is all about new life, regrowth, renewal and waking up. Not that we have much Spring bursting forth, our winter doesn’t get cold enough. (Wish it did!) However, having said that, today and yesterday it’s been cold and rainy. Very cold and rainy, sometimes windy.

Spring?

Two years ago, this time, we had heatwaves and a raging out-of-control bushfire down the road. People were evacuated onto the local beach. A friend’s adored dog was staying in a dog resort (kennel, but he doesn’t much like the term!) near the fires. The owner refused to evacuate because of his responsibility to the animals in his care. All were safe, but Ollie came home with kennel cough and security issues. I’d been told always how gentle Ollie was, a gentle giant, the family baby. Imagine when I visited having not yet met Ollie, and a huge Doberman leapt across the room, barking (VERY loudly), stopping about one centimetre (mouth open HUGE teeth) from my hand. I kept remarkably still considering the circumstances, although, considering the circumstances stillness was perhaps the only option. Didn’t step any further for several minutes, lunch postponed. Kennel cough? Security issues? Or simply a dog with a mean streak?

Back to the lying dormant/ in hibernation/ Springtime and the rhythm of life… Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen. No matter how much I remind myself of my values and my priorities. No matter how much re-focussing and positive visualisation I practise. No matter how much I beat myself up or promise myself treats or try sensory deprivation or… just no chocolate, it doesn’t happen.

Creativity, or let’s say my creativity disappeared for a while here. There are reasons. And there are many excuses. And sometimes/often life gets in the way. And maybe I’m not committed enough or… I don’t know. If I knew, then it wouldn’t happen, would it?

I’ll give you an example of my life here in this quiet little town. I’ve just returned from walking out to the kitchen to pour the cup of tea I’d made a few sentences back. Sitting on the back of the chair , gazing into the kitchen, singing his little heart out, was one of the butcher birds. Feathers all wet, rain coming down, how could I not take the time to feed him? The resident magpie, currently feeding babies, zoomed in. More feeding. By now the tea’s cold and the writing? well, who knows! I could go out and check the mail but the neighbourhood cats who are constantly hungry will mill about. Do you know how difficult it is not to feed begging animals? Or am I easily distracted?

A begging and hungry cat.

Back to the rhythm of life which at heart is my excuse for a long silence. I don’t understand it. The more I try to control it the more unsuccessful I am. It’s all a mystery.

However, the new roses sprout more leaves every day. I picked the first sugar snap peas yesterday. The rocket is seeding in the lawn as well as the gardens. The kitchen table has vases of poppies and sweet peas.

I’ve been asking myself what I would want to do most if I knew I had a limited time left for living.

Making gardens, being with the people I love… Simple things, sitting at the beach, floating on the water, watching for whales… what really matters? What haven’t I done?

What really matters for you?

katesclippings

ideas that are dear to my heart.

and so it goes,

Ah the rhythm of life, is a powerful beat,